January 8, 2005

Strange Dreams

I think I've finally snapped.

Maybe it's been the illness that took me suddenly New Year's Eve, combined with the manic pace of the past few days at work. Considering the three twelve-hour-work-days-in-a-row fueled by caffeine, dining on meats cooked on my George Foreman Grill, lack of significant other (although thanks to this post this blog is now my most favoritest blog in the world), I had the world's strangest dream.

I dreamt of reviving the Inferior Five.

I'm not kidding - it was one of my favorite comics when I was young, finding a semi-new (if coverless) issue in the three-comics-for-29-cents packs. It was a humorous take on comics (in general), with DC parodying Marvel in a barely legal way, and getting away with it...and I came up with a great idea to revive it in continuity. After the sturm und drang of Identity Crisis (and taking a cue from this blog's a cool take on Blue Beetle), I figured I would indulge my fanboy-ish fantasies for one post.

Imagine, if you will (taking place in continuity), the DC Universe of the late 1950's - 1960's - during the JSA's "retirement", due to both the HUAC crisis and the later hippie movement's lack of trust in them. (Actually, it's Hawkman they don't like, because he's so anal). So, we see "the Freedom Brigade" arise to take their place - 2nd tier heros who serve as "templates" for the Silver Age heroes we know and love. It is this Brigade that, gradually, becomes the parents of the Inferior Five, who "take their station" in the mid to late 1960s.

(And, if we can't go that way, we can give each of the Five parodic origins - for example, Awkwardman is sent from his aquatic home planet, which is about to be destroyed; however, his rocket ship veers off course, and he ends up on a planet with higher gravity, giving us a "reason" for his awkwarness. One minor reboot we would have to perform - Dumb Bunny. In the late 1960's, a dumb blonde in a glorified bunny suit might have been funny; however, in these modern times, it lacks a certain restraint. We could have her "smart" and then use the "dumb" act to fool criminals, and have her so good at it that she forgets when to be smart and when to be dumb. And we have to treat her with respect, because as we all know, comics fans are proto-feminists who will begin calling creators "misogynist" when they (fans) suspect sexism to occur...and we wouldn't want that, now, would we?)

So the Inferior Five, in one of their last adventures in the 1960's, takes on an evil Scientist - let's even push credibility and call him Dr. Quinn. He has a device that creates wormholes - that's right, honest to gosh wormholes. . Anyway, the battle rages, and the Five manage to stop the good Doctor...but as a result, the wormhole device is broken, and zaps them.

There's one of two ways to go with this - we could use the "Hypertime" angle, have the Five visit different "alternate universes" in the DC (and other) universes, and get into wacky mishaps. (I mean, can you imagine the Five in a Rob Liefeld-drawn universe? I find it funny). Give them that "Exiles" vibe, and let them go up and down in time. Maybe even have the Blimp "bump into" Joe Chill, knock him out, and create a non-Batman universe. At the very least, it wouldn't be boring.

The other way is to bump them into "present" DC Continuity, and just make fun of our heroes. Have White Feather and Green Arrow in a target contest. Have Dumb Bunny make fun of Blue Beetle/Booster Gold over the Kooey Kooey Kooey affair. Maybe even have the Blimp try to keep up with the Flash in order to lose weight. Plus, we'll have Phil Foglio draw it, and our first crossover (after the first year of single issue stories, just like the good old days) will be "Gorilla My Dreams" with Angel & the Ape, taking on Gorilla Grodd, if only to give Yet Another Comics Blog six weeks' worth of monkey covers! (And yes, I know the whole "Ape-is-Grodd's-grandson" subplot - we could milk it for all it's worth)

And if DC is worried about saturating the market, hell, they can cancel a Bat-book, or a Superman-book. Maybe skim a little of the profits of the Super/Bat books. Cancel the lowest three-selling titles. (No Swamp Thing, though). They could even cancel John Byrne's Doom Patrol - after all, the guy is 1) Canadian and 2) a stark, raving looney. We need a comic that is fun, and this would end up becoming a proven moneymaker. People want comics that don't take themselves so seriously.

Yes, that was my dream. It could be worse...I could have dreamed of reviving Captain Carrot & the Zoo Crew.

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