March 31, 2005

Searchin' For Fool's Gold

For those of you who read this blog regularly, this is a more personal blog, so no funny wacky pop culture schtick. Please bear with me.

Also, a thanks and shout out to Logan at House of the Ded - got the prize package from his Loki contest, and at some point, I'll have to read what he's sent, especially if DC Countdown is as sucky as everyone says it is.

Today has been a hell of a day - actually, this has been a hell of a week, but today was just one thing after another. Trying to stay current on projects, dealing with emergencies, having to reschedule a radio interview after the other person forgot - hoo, boy, I just did not have a pleasant day. I was actually looking forward to a reception at the Wash U Law School for a former colleague who is now executive director.

In all honesty, I had a good time, and there was one really good "hey, there's something here", but seeing a lot of my colleagues move on in their personal lives...well, here's where it gets a little self-pitying, so please feel free to post comments splashing me with the cold water of reality.

I sometimes this all there is for me? I know I'm an intelligent/hard-working/ schmoozer kind of guy, and have much better self-esteem than in my younger years, but I wonder - have I peaked?

I also wonder if I'm starting to resent my colleagues - after all, they have managed the whole personal/work balance, and have actually made further accomplishments, whereas I feel like I'm...well, underappreciated and (my strengths) underutilized. I sometimes I deliberately pushing any potential happiness away from me, or is my "destiny" to serve others with minimal reward?

As you've read in this blog in the past, I'm a big fan of Graham Parker's music. One of his themes, encapsulated in his song "Fool's Gold", is about striving towards unobtainable goals, of moving forward and having faith in the face of overwhelming odds. I sometimes I searching for fool's gold, or have I painted myself into a corner.

Enough with the angst - next time, I promise, more wacky shenanigans. Maybe even a monkey cover or two.

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