pal Roger appreciates these from-the-gut personal shares that I write from time to time)
Later today, Mom will be moving out of her apartment - the apartment she's lived in for the past 15 years.
Much of that is why I haven't been as blog-heavy in October as I usually am - this came suddenly, but it's a welcome change for Mom. Her current apartment is a huge three bedroom....it made sense for her to move in with Dad 15 years ago, because it gave both of them room; now, it's just a huge, nearly empty place that takes her awhile to get from one end of the apartment to another.
For me, it's a dual loss - it's not just that I'm losing having Mom nearby (she'll be moving to a quiet, cozy one bedroom that is two bus rides - and 45 minutes - away), but there's also that shock of having another disruption in my life. Given the end of my freelance projects, and the open-ended state of my job search....well, having another source of concern isn't necessarily welcome.
But there's no resentment or ill will around Mom's decision - I understand her reasons for leaving, and quite honestly, I've been (and will continue to be) supportive. She's not doing well physically (after all, she is old enough to be my mother), and having less space (with a supportive friend nearby) would do her wonders. But it's still leaves a little bit of emotional soreness - not full-on abandonment, but an unpleasant reminder that change is always tough to handle.
But I'm glad, in many ways - for one thing, I can let go of her in the same way she let go of me when I left for Oregon almost twenty years ago. For seven years, I could handle not having her nearby, since I was 300 miles away. So why am I slightly bothered by Mom moving off nearby?
Perhaps it's the reminder that we're all on our own journeys....and that we sometimes take parallel, but divergent paths.